It’s been over two years since my last post but I am happy to report that I managed to loss 50 pounds.
It’s been a very slow process because compulsive eating isn’t like over addictions. You can’t quit the very thing you are addicted to. Smokers give up cigarettes. Alcoholics give up alcohol. I couldn’t give up food. How am I supposed to overcome my addict to something I literally cannot live without?
At the risk of sounding clique…” I didn’t begin to change my life until I hit rock bottom because there really is nowhere to go but up, right?” Wrong! What you don’t know about rock bottom is that its truly one of the darkest and lowest points of your life. You actually pray for death before you choose to fight to go up because you don’t want to die. At least, that’s how it was for me.
I remember looking into the mirror and crying hysterically at who I’ve become. Even the man who supposedly “loved me not matter what” asked me several times “Why are you so fat?” As if he didn’t know. “I overeat you jerk!” I felt that the world was against me and I didn’t belong in it. I wanted to escape the pain. So, as a result, I became self-destructive. I didn’t care about myself. Didn’t care whether I lived or died. It wasn’t until I was an inch from death that I had to make a choice. To live or die? I didn’t want to die but I sure as hell didn’t want to continue living my life the way I had been. A decision had to be made. I must live and learn to love myself. That’s when my weight loss journey began.
I’d love to say that I am not longer a food addict. That I have found the “cure.” Truth is, I’m nowhere near where I want to be. I’ve hit many bumps along the road and not all of them dealt with food. I must battle my demons every minute of everyday and remind myself that I deserve to be happy.
By: Jennifer Duran